YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM DEVON WHEN...

♥ You've bought stationery at Trago Mills.

♥ You think Exeter's a big city.

♥ You can tell sheep from goats and straw from hay*

♥ You once went to Totnes for the day and returned three weeks later, very happy, but with no idea why.

♥ You think London's 'up north'.

♥ You know someone who knows someone who knows someone who knows Joss Stone.

♥ The smell of cow shit makes you feel at home.

♥ Everywhere else in the UK feels cold.

♥ You have a friend who lives on a farm.

♥ You live on a farm.

♥ You know and love Massey Ferguson*

♥ You learnt to drive in a field or on a beach.

♥ You live in a cottage.

♥ Your home has a thatched roof.

♥ You saw the total eclipse in '99.

♥ Your local newspaper's lead story is 'cow falls off bridge'.

♥ You turned to drink, drugs or heavy metal at an early age.

♥ You know the best sledging to be had is at Haytor.

♥ Your friends say you sound like a farmer.

♥ You have nothing to do after 5:30pm.

♥ You think pink wellies are a fashion statement.

♥ You know 'Cornish' pasties are actually from Devon.

♥ You've boiled / frozen / eroded during Ten Tors.

♥ You know how to walk over a cattle grid.

♥ You want to know who came up with 'take moor care'.

♥ You know all about 'letterboxing' (but wish you didn't).

♥ You watch 'Spotlight' (and knew Teresa Driscoll, Justin Leigh, Russel Labey, Craig Rich and the gang).

♥ You've been pony trekking.

♥ 'Short and choppy on the North coast' makes total sense to you.

♥ You think nothing of grass growing in the middle of the road.

♥ Your town is 'the gem of south Devon' or 'the English Riviera' despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary*

♥ You think a barn dance is a wild night out.

♥ Until you went on holiday, the tallest building you had ever seen was Debenhams in Exeter.

♥ You've reversed for 3 miles when you met a stubborn tourist on a country lane*

♥ It takes you 4 times longer to drive anywhere between May and September*

♥ You carry an umbrella everywhere even when it's 35 degrees (because it WILL start to hail randomly)*

♥ You're a closet fan of The Wurzels.

♥ Your second cousin is also your sister's stepmother.

♥ Your neighbours' average age is 76*

♥ Your best friend goes joyriding in tractors*

♥ Your parents regularly thanked God for Crealy Country Park and Woodlands*

♥ Your teachers regularly thanked God for Paignton Zoo, Buckfast Abbey, Morwellham Quay and the legendary House of Marbles*

♥ You can't stand the grockles, despite living off their money*

♥ You thought it was normal for more than 50% of your high street's shops to be operated by charities*

♥ Everyone you meet has been on holiday to your home town - no wonder it's so busy in summer*

♥ You spent your entire childhood wanting to leave the place, yet now that you have, you cry yourself to sleep then dream of rolling green hills and long, sandy beaches*

♥ You used to read through your physical geography textbook because you knew half of the places in there.

♥ You know that 'the Launa man can'*

♥ Your most thrilling childhood experience was the Death slide at Woodlands / Crealy / The Devon Shire Horse Centre*

♥ Before Freeview, you didn't believe the rumours about a '5th television channel'*

♥ You don't yet have Freeview - what 5th channel?

♥ You found out about Plymouth Hoe / Westward Ho! before you realised the name could be entertaining*

♥ Your local shop sells clotted cream fudge and bucket/spade packs, but not newspapers.

♥ Your local publican (who has sideburns and red face) is a member of CAMRA, and thinks a 'gastropub' is a medical complication (he serves peanuts & crisps).

♥ You don't understand why a cinema would need more than two screens*

♥ Someone once ran past you clutching a burning barrel of tar*

♥ Your birthday was read out by a rabbit called Honeybun, Gus Honeybun*

♥ You use the 'fast and close' method for passing cars on country lanes - passing places are for grockles!*

♥ You can tell animals apart by their crap*

♥ You have had to walk home with only one welly on, after the other one was sucked into a bog / thick mud*

♥ You thought Hot Fuzz was a documentary*

♥ You think that running into the sea on New Year's or Christmas Day is brave, not foolish*

♥ You always thought of Gandy Street as a rich and varied shopping experience*

♥ Your car is considered a Site of Special Scientific Interest due to its unique collection of sand, mud, twigs and general wildlife from various Devonshire walks*

♥ You recognise a fellow Devonian across a crowded room when you hear the phrase "where you to"*

♥ You know that palm trees are from Torquay, not the Carribean*

♥ You know that a BMW X5 / Porsche Cayenne / Hummer H3 wouldn't get past a big puddle - proper farmers drive Landrovers!*

♥ As a kid, your Mum was always complaining about the grass stains on your trousers, thanks to you sliding down hills for fun on a sledge / compost bag / your arse*

♥ After a wet walk in the fields you return home 2 inches higher because of the Devon mud on your boots

♥ You understand that 'alright my handsome' is an entirely heterosexual greeting between men*

♥ Your drive to work involves following a quad bike, a herd of cows and a border collie*

♥ Your drive to work is on a quad bike, pursuing a herd of cows with a border collie running alongside*

♥ The tarmac playground at your school was only used when the school fields were muddy*

♥ You struggle to sleep at night because of the overwhelming silence, then get woken up by the dawn chorus, which is just plain irritating at 4:30am*

♥ You've been scared to death by stories like the Hairy Hands*

♥ You go home when it gets proper dimpsey*